


and the afternoon was perfect weather

by bookwyrm



Category: Oxford Comma Example Sentences
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:49:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5460332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwyrm/pseuds/bookwyrm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>The strippers, JFK and Stalin, were on the run. Or at least, on the amble. Their daily jog had (as usual) turned into a sort of rolling argument, with breaks for coffee and perhaps a nice biscotti. </i> </p><p>  <i>Today, the item under discussion was public works; specifically, the city zoo. More narrowly: whether they should spend the afternoon there to see the elephants, Alice and Mary. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	and the afternoon was perfect weather

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mothallah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mothallah/gifts).



> Many thanks my last minute beta readers, [Morbane](http://archiveofourown.org/users/morbane) and [weakinteraction](http://archiveofourown.org/users/weakinteraction); and to Naomi, who pointed me in the right direction and kept me on target.

The strippers, JFK and Stalin, were on the run. Or at least, on the amble. Their daily jog had (as usual) turned into a sort of rolling argument, with breaks for coffee and perhaps a nice biscotti. 

Today, the item under discussion was public works; specifically, the city zoo. More narrowly: whether they should spend the afternoon there to see the elephants, Alice and Mary. Stalin was firm that the zoo was one of the great public works and that to patronize it was the right and privilege of all citizens. JFK recalled that last time he was at the zoo, a seagull had stolen his pizza. He hadn't even gotten one bite; the bird had dragged it right off the table. 

Stalin allowed that this was a reasonable counterargument, but that on balance, seagulls had to eat too and it was the responsibility of the state to provide, as for all citizens. Had not JFK immediately purchased a new slice of pizza? Was not the pizza discounted heavily, because the cafe manager saw the whole thing? Was this not, therefore, the state (via John Kennedy) providing for the seagull? JFK remained uncertain.

\----

The stocky stripper had argued vehemently in favor of the zoo, and the afternoon was perfect zoo weather: warm and gently overcast. Alice was at the counter of Eats Shoots and Leaves trying to order a pair of smoothies (JFK had been persuaded that a smoothie was, as far as seagulls went, un-stealable), and Stalin was trying to find seating big enough for the whole group. 

He had his eye on a large booth occupied by some bourgeois capitalists, politicians and leeches. They were finished with lunch, but their self-interested worldview clearly didn't admit the needs of others to sit at table. 

Eventually, with the help of Mary's two children, Isabelle and Claude, he rousted the capitalists and they all took a seat. The Catholic stripper enjoyed his smoothie immensely. Mary and Alice were explaining marsupial reproduction to the kids when JFK's phone buzzed. The screen read: _Sky News Top Stories: World Leaders at Mandela tribute, Obama-Castro handshake and same-sex marriage date set..._

He showed it to the table, and there was an awed silence for a few minutes. Stalin said, “I did not believe to see accord between Communism and Capitalism in my lifetime.” JFK put his hand on Stalin's shoulder. 

Mary sat back. “Wow. That changes.... everything. Does it say what Michelle is doing?” 

“Um...” JFK poked his screen. “Looks like... huh, that doesn't make sense. 

“Mmm, no, it doesn't really. Unless they're changing bigamy laws across the board.” He squinted at the phone. “Huh.” The table devolved into a political discussion. 

Eventually, Alice glanced over at the children. “Where's Isabelle? Does anybody see Isabelle?” No one did. “Oh my lord, their parents will be so angry. Claude, where did your sister go? Isabelle? ISABELLE?

“She loves tigers. Stalin, will you go check—? Thank you. Mary, you and JFK stay here with Claude and the kids, you've got your phone? I'm going to go find Security.” She and Stalin hurried off in different directions. Vince started to cry, and Mary pulled him into her lap. 

“It's ok, sweetie, we'll find Isabelle. Shhhhh shh, it's ok.” 

The tallest stripper stood up. “I'm going to get us all some ice cream. Who wants ice cream?” Three small faces perked up, and Mary gave him a look of appreciation. “Now, what kind of ice cream? _Monkey_ ice cream? No? What about... _penguin_ ice cream? What's wrong with penguin ice cream? Ok, ok, I know: mint chocolate chip ice cream. Yeah? Ok, Angie, you want to come help me carry?” He hoisted the girl up and they made their way over to the ice cream stand. 

\----

When he got back, Stalin was sitting with Mary. “I checked the big cat exhibits and the sea otters, nothing. Any word from Alice?” Mary shook her head, looking worried again. Angie helped pass around cones and the kids dug in. Vince was smiling again, smeared from nose to chin with melted ice cream. The others were likewise daubed. 

The treats were vanishing quickly and the adults were starting to cast around for a new diversion when Alice made her way back to the table. She sat down next to Mary and sighed. “Security is looking for her. They have our phone numbers and her description.” She sighed again and Mary put her arm around her shoulder. Alice dropped her head against Mary's and closed her eyes. 

“It'll be ok, love. They'll find her. Ben will forgive you. Remember that time you brought home the wrong dog?” Alice breathed out, _hah,_ and opened her eyes. She caught Stalin's odd look and smiled. 

“College. It's a comedy of errors, but the punch line was that I drove a very long way to pick up Ben's dog of dogs—the most beloved, the apple of his youthful eye—from his parents' house. They had some emergency at the last minute and my phone was dead, so when I got there all I had to go on was a faint and distant memory of his description. And, yes, I brought home the wrong dog. His parents, Richard and Furball were very upset with me. We couldn't get it straightened out for weeks, all through finals.” She tipped her head back to Mary's shoulder. “I don't know, love, he might never trust me with them. I'll have to godmother under supervision from now on.” 

On the table, Alice's phone began to buzz. At the same time, JFK twitched and stood up to get his phone out of his pocket. He stepped away to answer. Alice fumbled and almost dropped her phone, jabbing at the button. “Yes? You did? Oh, _thank you._ I'll be right there.” She dropped her face into her hands and scrubbed them through her hair. “They found her by the water fountain, she was right over there the whole time.” 

There was a silence, and the taller stripper walked back towards the table. “Yes, of course, thank you. No, I'm honored. Yes, I'll be right there.” He sat back down. “They've asked us—well, me, but I think you'll be getting a call soon—to perform at the Presidential bachelor party.” He managed a serious face for about two seconds, before Stalin seized his shoulders, grinning like a loon. He shook JFK as a smile spread across JFK's face as well, and then they were laughing and clapping each other on the back. Alice stood up. 

“I need to go collect Isabelle, and then we're going home.” There was a wail from the three children, but Alice ignored them and walked off. Mary dipped a paper napkin in her water and started trying to get some of the mess off of Vince, Angie, and Claude. Alice returned with Isabelle on her shoulders, and the strippers gallantly drove everyone home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Since the whole point of this is ambiguity: JFK and Stalin are strippers. Mary and Alice are not elephants. Mary and Alice have two children, Vince and Angie. Alice is also godmother to Ben's two children, Claude and Isabelle. Furball was the wrong dog. Whether the politicians and leeches are _accompanied_ by bourgeois capitalists or _are_ bourgeois capitalists is left as an exercise for the reader.
> 
> That news alert is either real or [a very good photoshop.](http://www.verbicidemagazine.com/2013/12/12/barack-obama-raul-castro-handshake-same-sex-marriage-oxford-comma/)


End file.
